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The Art of Relaxation

"While with an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of joy, We see into the life of things." Wordsworth

Meditation

       Learning to relax is an art: how we sit or lie down, how we breathe, letting go, and turning our focus within.   Meditation is a part of this art, part of our “tool kit” for living life in a balanced and present way –present to ourselves, and to the pace and rhythm of our days.
       Some describe meditation as “sitting still, doing nothing”. But it’s a very special kind of sitting still. For the mind is “poised and alert”, focused upon a stimulus - like the breath - that draws the mind away from thoughts, calming the nervous system. 
      Thus, meditation is not so much a special posture, but a state of mind. Once cultivated and steadied, this state of mind provides a spacious and neutral place in which we can reflect upon (and create anew) our selves and our life.  It can take many forms. Sitting, walking, swimming.  Some people chant a sound or silent phrase; others gaze at a flame; some focus upon their footsteps; others on the sound of waves.
           
The Breath as focus
       The breath is a time-tested focus for the mind. The mind and breath track each other. When the mind is agitated, the breath is often short and shallow. When we focus the mind on the breath, both naturally become calmer.  
     The breath affects the body as well. When we exhale slowly our blood pressure goes down, heart rate drops a little, body relaxes, and our nervous system shifts into healing, calming mode. The energy locked in tight shoulders and jaws drops down into our hips and legs, grounding us back into the earth.
 
 
1. Basic Meditation Technique
Sitting and watching the breath
  
  1. Sit in chair, legs uncrossed, feet on the ground. (You can also sit cross-legged on a folded blanket, sofa, or in the garden beneath a tree’s shade).
  2. Release your buttocks down as you gently lift the spine. Imagine your sitting bones like two tap roots extending deep into the earth, allowing for the slight rebound, or lift of earth energy back up through your body.
  3. Let your awareness fill your body (feel the back of your head, your shoulders, your back, your buttocks).
  4. Soften your face, and relax your eyes. Draw your eyes back away from eyelids –as if you could drop them behind your cheekbones.
  5. Now bring your attention to your breath, breathing through your nose if you can. 
  6. Silently count the length of your inhale and exhale. Like this:         
    ”In..two..three..four..five..etc.        “Out...two...three...four...five...etc.
             Note the length of your breath, counting to match it. Continue for 10-20 breaths or 5 minutes. Later, you can extend the length of time you breathe.
You may not need to silently count the breath to keep the mind focused upon it. Simply follow the flow of the breath-being sure to follow the inhale and exhale through the whole length of their cycle.
 
            You may also choose to focus upon the sensation of the breath in the body-the rise and fall of the chest, the movement of your diaphragm. Doing so, stay with that movement throughout the breath cycle, so that your mind stays continually tuned to the breath.
 
Expanding outward (optional)
            After counting/watching the breath for a while, soften your mind, continue to feel the breath as your expand your awareness out to include the sound of the water, or the breeze on your face.  Then-still inwardly aware of the breath, you are also aware of the outside world-not thinking about it, just aware, open to the breeze and other healing, soothing aspects of nature.
 

 Tips for meditation

 Be Consistent
  • Real change occurs when you repeat, repeat, repeat. Better to sit for 5 minutes a day, than shoot for half hour once a week.
  • Find a time  and a place that works for you, and keep going back there.
  • The energy of calm builds in such a place (be it overlooking the bay, or sitting on the lanai). Aim for at least once a day, in the morning before your walk, for example. Then add an afternoon or early evening session. Or just before you go to bed.
 
Ground and open first
  •   Exhale, release down, imaging your tap roots extending into the earth.
  •   Take a breath into your chest, let it broaden with the inhale, and release tension with the exhale.           
 
Stretching first can help
            Do a couple of stretches before you sit to breathe. Stretch back from a table top, or sitting, twist to the side (pause for a couple of breaths) and twist to the other side and pause.
           
 When thoughts and feeling come up
            At first, as the mind gets quieter-we become aware of just how many thoughts run through our consciousness – like ripples in a still pond when each pebble of thought drops in.  Some call this the ‘waterfall stage’. Just know it’s temporary.
  •  When thoughts do arise and enter the mind while you breathe, just note them – saying “Oh, thinking” or “Worry about work”, then as you exhale, let it go.
  •  Don’t engage the though or feeling, just note it and let it pass on.
  •  Imagine clouds moving through the clear blue sky of your true mind, or birds in flight that enter and leave without a trace.  They pass on, if we just let the
  •  As you note  “thinking”,  suddenly you realize that the ‘you’ that is noting the thought and the thought are not the same thing. 
  • You’re separate from your thoughts. You let them in and out. There is a ‘you’ that is calm, steady, spacious, objective.

  

2. Second breathing exercise

  1. Sit and Ground
  2. Relax body, face, eyes
  3. Bring your mind to the breath, and being your silent counting to accompany the length of the inhale and exhale.
  4. Do that for a few breath.
  5. Then, following the exhale to the end, pause there for one to two more counts before you begin your inhale. That pause is still and silent-like the deep ocean, or the dark sky between stars.
  6. Let your mind linger in the pause, even as the inhale begins.
  7. Do this for 6 breaths or so, then let the breathing resume a more spontaneous rhythm.  
 

Relaxation-in-Action 

        We can live life in a relaxed way, by taking the insight gleaned from meditation and from our new-founded calm into our daily life. It starts from the inside out. We create a calm place for the mind in just how we are in our body; in how we breath; in how fast we walk and talk. It is also in the little things. It isthe little changes we make in our way of doing things that add up to a different way of living.

 
 Here are some ways:
 
 1. Find what brings you back into balance.
      A walk on the beach. A swim. Floating in your pool. Listening to music. Note those activities and places which seem to center and bring you back to a sense of ‘Ah, this is who I am’. So when you feel tense, or in fast forward, you can re-center.
    Just washing your hands, or your face, taking a shower, or a jump in the pool can shift your mood and your mode dramatically. Water cleanses the energy system of the body. It washes off old feelings and energies.
 
2. Take your three breaths.
       Build little breathing time-outs into your day. If you feel tense, take three slow breaths, allowing a full and slow exhale. Imagine releasing tension, feelings, words with the out breath.
 
3. Take pauses
       This is akin to breathing time-outs. Here, you build pauses into your life.
  • When the phone rings, take a breath, then answer it on the second or third ring.
  • Take a breath just before you start the ignition.
  • Take a breath between phone calls-so you don’t get on too fast a ‘roll’.
  • When someone insists on an answer ‘right now’-pause. Take a breath, and say “That’s a really good question. Let me pause a moment and take a breath, so I can reflect on that.” Then answer. It will diffuse his or her  anxiousness and insistence, and keep you in your center. 
4. Do one thing at a time.
            We don’t multi-task, we just do a lot of different things in sequence-very fast.
            It’s okay to do two loads of laundry before breakfast. Just move slowly, and focus on the task at hand. When you start thinking of your walk, or the phone call you need to make- take a breath, and release it- going back to pouring in the laundry soap.  When we simplify our tasks, taking them one at a time-we always have enough time to finish every thing.
 
5. Move more slowly
       Just walk more slowly, talk more slowly. Time opens up for us when we don’t push it too fast. We always have enough time. If not-consider you might have sought to do too many tasks.
 
6. Make a list of ‘things to do’ and cut it in half.
       The analytical, rational part of our mind lines up our day minute by minute. And it all makes sense. But we end up dragging our body and spirit along through just too many tasks, appointments, or shopping stops.
 
6. Consciously relax your body.
       Throughout the day, when you notice that your shoulders are tight, or tension in your arms or face. Let it go. Exhale and relax. In this way, you keep releasing tension from your body (and mind)-dispelling stress.
 
7. Take time out to reflect
       When something upsets you, or doesn’t work out the way you expected, take a few moments to center, breathe, and reflect on it. Meditation strengthens that aspect of the mind that observes without judging. We don’t get as caught up in our feelings.
 
       In stead, there will be times when you can  say to yourself “Wow, that didn’t work!” or  “Wow, I’m feeling really angry about that”.  Just note the feelings, and pause as you quiet the mind and emotions with a few slow breaths, and then explore the feelings
       Sometimes you have to walk it off, or swim it off, or write it out, or  speak it into the wind. Then, when calm returns, you can sort it out. In this way, we live our lives by design, not default. For when we are aware of something-we have the option to change it.
 
       Speaking of change. Just know it often feels scary. But here’s what diffuses the fear. Just ask yourself: “How do I really want to move through life?”
Ask yourself: “Will I really ‘fall apart’ if I release my jaw, or soften my shoulders?” or “What is the benefit of staying tense and stressed out?”
 
Life is truly a series of moment-by-moment choices:
“Do I really want to get upset about this?”
“Do I really care if the children arrive at noon or 3pm with the grandkids?”
“Do I really need to rush along the corridor?
 
            So once we ask “How do I want to move through life”, and then ask “What am I willing to change?”